You didn't hear what I said...and I didn't say what you heard!

There is a funny story in here, so stay with me...

I am home from an emergency visit to my retina specialist, who determined that there is no tear yet. Hallelujah! I had an episode yesterday that made me panic, and you can read my previous blog to catch up on that part of the story. There is no tear or detached retina right now but the doc said that doesn't mean it won't happen tomorrow or next week...or never! (never sounds just fine with me!)

The vitreous (jelly) in my eye is pulling at the retina and there is nothing they or I can do to prevent it. He said I did the proper thing in calling right away because there is a definite problem in there; a huge place in my vision that fans back and forth with a light flashing every time I move my eyes and that is so distracting! From this side, it looks like the big feather fan that a stripper hides behind to tease...not that I've ever seen one in person or have ever used one...I'm just going from what I've seen in the movies. Yep...that's my story and I'm sticking to it! (insert belly laugh here) Anyway, when that fan-like thing starts changing, then I'm to call and get back in there. The doc said I'd know exactly what to look for when it comes to changes and since I'm a radio-type person, this will be a good segue...

Sometimes when a story gets passed around, words will be changed, which in turn will change details. When the details change in said story, hilarious things can ensue! For an example, allow me to share about my detached rectum.

Yes, you read it right.

On a Saturday in December of 2005, I sneezed, something which I've been known to do in December and every other month of the year! When I opened my eys from this particular sneeze, it seemed as though I was looking through a piece of black lace with my left eye. What happened was a "floater" - something we develop in our eyes as we age - had broken up and within moments changed to the look of coarsely ground pepper. More moments caused it to look like finely ground pepper and quickly disseminated. Fast forward one week: As I'm preparing for an evening wedding I was to direct, I noticed a "flap" of blackness that kept showing up in my field of vision. Hours later, as I sent the bride down the aisle, that blackness was taking up 1/3 of the vision in my left eye. By the time the bride and groom kissed, 1/2 my vision was gone. Needless to say, I was freaking out and skipped the reception so I could get checked by my ophthalmologist friend who just happened to be on call that weekend.

Early on Sunday morning, I was in surgery at the University of Tennessee Medical Center, having a that detached retina reattached. The vitreous was removed from my left eye...a gas bubble was put in place to hold the reattachment in place as it healed. I would spend the next week or two on my right side to keep the bubble in place, only being erect to eat a bit, to bathe and 'use the facilities.'

My husband, who is a United Methodist minister, couldn't be at church because he was with me at UT Hospital...so he called the church to let our congregation know that I was in emergency surgery for a detached retina. Word got around quickly within our church family, but...as can happen sometimes...a few details got changed in the sharing. By the time our nursery staff heard about the surgery, I had a detached rectum and would have to stay on my right side for a week or so while the gas bubble the doctor put in there could hold the rectum in place so everything could heal up. Hold on, there's more!

I came home the same day of my surgery and a friend called to check on me. Since I was awake and bored out of my skull, Joe put me on the phone to talk with her. As I laid there explaining why I had to stay on my right side, my friend was amazed!!! First of all, she couldn't believe that I was home on the same day of the procedure. She asked me questions, never mentioning the words retina or rectum to me...

Friend: So, I'm sure you're in a huge amount of pain! I can't believe they let you come home so soon!!!

Me: Actually, I'm not experiencing any pain right now. Of course everything is still numb.

Friend: So, this gas bubble will hold everything that was operated on in place while it heals?

Me: Yes...it will take a few weeks for the bubble to disappear, but until then I just have to stay on my right side.

Friend: You wouldn't be able to lay on your back or sit up at all?

Me: No. I'll just stay on my side.

Friend: I guess you'll be on a liquid diet for a while then?

Me: No, I can eat anything I want. I just don't feel like eating right now.

Friend: I'd say not! Wow! You can eat anything?!?

Me: Yes, but I guess since I'll probably be eating in bed it could get messy...

You can see where I'm going with this, can't you? It was soooooo funny when we finally realized that each of us were talking about a different end of my body and that someone had made a mistake in the sharing of details surrounding my surgery!

My "rectum" healed up nicely and I can see just fine now!

And with that I'll close with this reminder: If you have a pulse, you have a purpose...so make your life count!