Friday, November 7, 2014


Sleep Apnea. Lots of people have been diagnosed with it. My husband has it. I have it. We both use C-pap machines when we sleep at night because the snoring would cause a mild earthquake in our cul-de-sac.

If someone broke into our house in the middle of the night, and saw us wearing our funny masks, they’d think we were aliens! With the hoses and the face masks, we both look like extras in the bar scene of the first ‘Star Wars’ movie. (And if we got frisky wearing those things, we’d likely electrocute one another!)

I fall asleep in strange places. When I was working in morning radio, I’d easily fall asleep in the evenings. Church? Yes. Company? Yes, sometimes. If we were in a restaurant and it got too quiet, I’d fall asleep. No kidding! Once my husband and some friends left me sitting in a Wendy’s...with my elbow on the table and my chin propped on my hand. He wanted to see how long it would take me to wake up and realize I was alone. Trouble is, I wasn’t alone. The restaurant was full after a Friday night football game! People began snickering as I drowsily looked up to see Joe and friends standing outside the window, staring at me.

It wasn’t funny to me at the time, but I’m older now and have loosened up a little. A little.

Once I had the privilege to listen to Louie Giglio teach at The Cove (The Billy Graham Training Center) in North Carolina. He was very interesting. Really, he was! But we’d all been sitting a while and the seminar was nearing the end. Louie invited us to bow our heads and close our eyes as he prayed.

Either he prayed a really long time, or I was extremely sleepy. All I know is that I put my head down on my arm, which was propped up on the seat in front of me...fell asleep and woke myself up snoring!!!

When the prayer was done, I whispered to the lady who was sitting in the seat next to where I’d been resting my head and apologized for falling asleep. She looked at me gratefully and said, “I’m so glad you’re okay! I thought you were choking and couldn’t breathe! When you gasped, I realized you were okay!”

On a recent trip to Ohio, I’d had too little sleep before hitting the road. When I got to Williamsburg, Kentucky I knew I needed to nap in my car for a bit...and planned to, after using the restroom.

When I travel, I like to use hotel restrooms. They’re cleaner and nicer than filling stations and fast-food places. I started doing that when I was potty-training Hannah when we were traveling. Plus, when I’m on the road alone, I feel a bit safer going into a hotel to use the facilities. In 30 years I’ve only had one hotel manager tell me the restrooms weren’t for public use. I was desperate and offered him money, but STILL had to go to McDonalds!

But I digress...

At this particular stop, I used the restroom at the Williamsburg Inn. There are several stalls, so I slipped into one of them and...well...rested. Seriously. I rested! Unintentionally, I fell asleep sitting on the toilet!!! I must have been asleep for 10 or 15 minutes and woke myself up making the most horrible snoring noises you can imagine!

Who knows how awful it sounded before I woke myself up! And bathrooms are notorious for their acoustics!

Some lady might have come in and heard it, thinking the woman in that stall was really having a tough time of it! Ha!

When telling my daughter about my ‘nap’ later that day, I mentioned that someone might have thought there could be two people in that stall know. (Or you’d know if your mind was in the gutter.)

Hannah told me there was no way one could think that anything was going on in that stall with two people because she’s “...heard me snore and it’s a horrible, unmistakeable sound!”

Well, there you have it. I guess I’m going to have to take my C-pap machine with me EVERYWHERE I go!

Yes. Even there, if I’m tired!

Remember, if you have a pulse, you have a purpose…so make your life count!