Monday, November 28, 2011

Random Thoughts:

• Who decides what the flavor should be on the envelope glue you lick for greeting cards? I have been on a diet when I would actually enjoy tasting the glue because it was a little sweet. That is pathetic.

• How do male psychiatrists deal with a menopausal wife?

• Does the Pope ever find a piece of furniture in the dark, hurt his toe, and then say something bad under his breath?

• Who decided that one could drink whatever came out of a cow’s udders?

• What does your hairdresser think when he/she runs into you in a social situation? Are you having the kind of hair-day that they hope no one in the room knows that you are a client? It takes a lot of guts for me to sit next to my hairdresser nearly every Sunday morning.

• When a dog’s treat rolls under the refrigerator, will he EVER forget that it went under there?

• Do angry chefs really spit on your food when you send it back because it wasn’t done quite to your liking? I don’t like seasoning on my steaks and always order them “naked” so one time when I was served an obviously seasoned steak, I jokingly told the server to either rinse that one off or get another for me. She came back to my table about two minutes later with the same steak, sitting in a puddle of water! I am not kidding!!! (After sharing my dilemma with the restaurant manager, I got a free dinner…but kept wondering if the chef or server got even with me one way or another.)

• When a constantly screaming child’s parent FINALLY gets up and takes the kid out of a restaurant after about five minutes…is it okay to applaud? I did that one day at Olive Garden, but I clapped very quietly under the table. (…and I know that there are kids that have special needs and have a rough time in crowds, but it seemed pretty certain to me that this wasn’t one of them, so don’t hate me for clapping quietly.)

• Do you think Regis is driving his wife, Joy, nuts now that he has retired from his television show?

• Will we ever get away from reality TV shows? Please tell me we will!

• Why do we get on elevators, then turn around and watch the doors until it’s time to disembark? Are the doors going to open by surprise?

• And speaking of elevators…why not sing while we’re riding? My hubby did that once. We got on a crowded elevator for a lengthy ride and he invited everyone to sing a song with him! We sang “You Are My Sunshine” even as we stopped on every floor. As people got off, then others got on, we kept singing. When Joe and I reached the top floor and got off…one gentleman (who had boarded on the main floor with us) remained on the elevator. Joe asked him if that wasn’t his floor, too. He said, “No. I just wanted to finish the song with you.”

• Why do some people never miss a good chance to shut up? I have a button that reads: “I love the sound you make when you stop talking.”

And on that note, I’ll end the ponderings for now.

Always remember that if you have a pulse, you have a purpose…so make your life count!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Thankful: Final Installment

I promised in my last blog not to be too serious in this blog posting…but I am thankful for the normal things everyone else is thankful for: my husband, our family, our house, our church, my faith, being able to live in the great city of Alcoa, living in a free country…you know, all the normal stuff. But when I think about it all, I realize I’m thankful for other things, too…so let the thankfulness begin!

I’m thankful for flameless candles. As many candles as I have in my house, you’d think it was a Catholic Church minus the statues. And all the candles are the kind you must light with a match or lighter. One exception: the candle in our bedroom. Hubby and I both wear masks hooked to C-Pap machines when we sleep. With the hoses and headgear we resemble the characters in the opening bar scene of the first Star Wars movie. (Get frisky and we'd electrocute one another!) But my hubby has to have oxygen along with the forced air from the C-Pap. If I decided to set a romantic mood and light a candle in our bedroom, it could turn deadly with a lit candle and oxygen. Hence, the flameless candle…a battery-operated, slightly scented, mood setter.

I’m thankful for multiple pairs of eyeglasses, reading glasses and contact lenses. You wouldn’t think I could be thankful for them at all because I lay them down and lose them on a regular basis. I don’t need them all the time so I might need a little GPS device that will take me to them when they’re lost...of course, unless a pair is on my head, which has happened many times.

I’m thankful for my dog, Dobie. He starts his day curled up in my lap as I lay in bed reading the morning paper. When I come in the door after being gone for five minutes or five days, I still get the same greeting…as if I am his favorite human! Then when my hubby comes in, I am reminded of who Dobie’s real favorite human is.

I’m thankful for nail polish. It fixes things. Runs in stockings…broken teacup handles…bumpers. I had a navy blue van that got a little crunch on the back bumper that was terribly visible, so I used my daughter’s navy-colored nail polish and hid the mistake I’d made by backing into someone’s sedan. The only damage on the other car was a little navy blue paint on their bumper.

I’m thankful that Skyline Chili was created.

I’m thankful for make-up. If you saw me in the mornings without it, you would understand why.

I’m thankful for Ore-Ida coming up with those frozen potatoes that I can steam in the microwave, mash them with a little butter and milk, and have people think I worked a lot more than I did to make that side dish.

I’m thankful for Sam’s Club. Where else can I buy 18 rolls of paper towels in a pack or a 24 roll package of bathroom tissue? My hubby is thankful that when we shop at Sam's while all the food samples are out, he doesn’t have to take me to a restaurant on our way home.

I’m thankful for pre-lit Christmas trees…peanut butter…my recliner…my Verizon phone with navigation, a guitar tuner, and a rubbery plastic cover around it because it gets dropped so much.

I’m grateful for facebook because I’ve been able to reconnect with friends from childhood, former churches and my family

I am grateful for my “MacBook Air for Dummies” book…for seat warmers in my CRV (except when I don’t realize I’ve dropped a piece of candy that ends up being melted into my pants when I’m on my way to a meeting)…for good neighbors…hair products…and Intuition Razors because I shave my legs every day and they don’t cut me to shreds. (Yes, I shave my legs every day. If I don’t, I can’t get to sleep at night. Maybe I’m OCD about this, but my legs always feel good when I climb under the sheets!)

I’m thankful someone thought of belly-button rings, because I may need to have my belly-button pierced, so I’ll have someplace to hook my bra a few years from now!

I’m thankful for Reese’s Peanut Butter Minis because I don’t have to waste time unwrapping them. I can just zip open the bag and chug! I’m thankful for our gym where I can walk on the treadmill, ride the bike and hopefully work off some of the calories I’ve consumed from the aforementioned bag.

I’m thankful for Panera, Cheddars, Olive Garden, Cracker Barrel and Five Guys. I’m thankful that my husband doesn’t expect me to eat at Chick-Fil-A every time he does. I’m thankful my daughter and son-in-law are cooking Thanksgiving dinner and I’m not.

And I’m thankful for those of you who actually read to the end of this blog…and not because you might be OCD and just had to finish it.

Always remember that if you have a pulse, you have a purpose…so make your life count!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Thankful: Part Two

More thankfulness oozing from me…this time for my daughter Hannah Elizabeth Green Slaughter…thus, part two. Her daddy was the subject of my first “Thankful” post…which makes sense since she wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him!

I never truly understood my mother when she would say that she loved so much she thought her heart could burst. Now I get it.

I understood it the first time I felt her flutter in my belly…the first time I saw her moving in the ultrasound as the nurse kept explaining what we were looking at. I had seen enough ultrasounds that I knew what to look for, but poor Joe just kept saying, “uh-huh” until he finally told the nurse he had no clue what she was pointing at. So she jiggled my tummy a bit…the baby began moving her legs and all of a sudden Joe could see this little person we had both fallen in love with!!!

And then she was born. Details are too many to share in this posting but one day I will tell you about the miracle that Hannah Beth really is. I was totally taken with this little blessing. All newborn babies look like Winston Churchill. Or at least until MY baby was born! She was beautiful…is beautiful.

I’m thankful for the little girl who was so curious at every turn…who would walk through a store when she was three years old and look with her eyes and not her hands. She would literally hold her hands behind her back, walking and looking at merchandise. Sales people were amazed at her. I was proud of her. Then we’d take her to restaurants and she would order asparagus. Servers would ask how we got her to do that. I have no clue. But I can tell you that at the age of 26 she is one of the most adventurous foodies I know!

When I think of all the sketchpads, pencils and markers we would purchase before a trip so that Hannah could draw in the car…I am thankful that investment paid off. She is an amazing graphic designer and illustrator and gets MONEY for what she loves! I’m thankful that HGTV took notice of her work and have her in their employ.

She makes me smile! My daughter is quirky…she has a style all her own…brown eyes (I always wanted a brown-eyed baby)…incredibly long eyelashes…a smile that is infectious and a laugh to go with it. Hannah is inventive, sassy, curious, and creative. She is a boot-lover…wears pearls…can put an outfit together and add that ‘just-one-more-thing’ to make the look perfectly hers! Her tastes in clothing, decorating, cooking and everything else she ventures into make me want to be like her when I grow up!

Music flows easily from her fingers and through her voice. A friend told me yesterday that she doesn’t really know Hannah, but loves watching her lead worship music on Sunday mornings because it just makes her happy. I understand that. It makes me happy, too.

My daughter is married to a gentleman. A handsome, thoughtful, musical, smart, stylish, talented (did I mention handsome?) man. I could likely compose a blog all about him but he’d hate that. But if I were to mention one more thing I’m thankful for that is connected to my daughter…it would be my son-in-law. I really like this guy!

I enjoyed the baby she was…the little girl…the kid…the teenager and the college woman. But I can tell you that as fun as all that was (except sometimes when hormones were raging during her teens) I really like the woman she is now. Being her mom is the best thing I could have ever have been!

Oh my. I’ve become WAY too serious in these two blog postings!!! It’s time to get back to my normal nonsense. Before Thanksgiving I will definitely find some funny things that I’m thankful for.

Always remember that if you have a pulse, you have a purpose…so make your life count!

Monday, November 7, 2011

Thankful: Part One

You know how I can tell that Thanksgiving is near? Because the cost of Halloween stuff is 75% off in the stores and Christmas decorations have been up since October!

Somehow we just breeze right through these last months of the year, don’t we? While I’m contemplating emptying my “Christmas Closet” this week (and splashing my house with decorations that will remain up until the first week of 2012) I don’t want to skip the “being thankful” part.

Maybe it is pathetic that I just typed that last sentence…

I am thankful every single day!

For instance…I’m thankful for my husband, Joe.

This is a man who loved his mother dearly, showing me that he knew how to treat a lady…the one that is my best friend who makes me laugh…sleeps next to me every night wearing a C-Pap mask just like I do (if we got frisky with those things on, we’d likely electrocute one another)…the one who sings “Only You” to me at random times…has this cute little growl when I rub his back as we’re hugging…dances with me in the kitchen…the man who, so he won’t awaken me, carefully takes the magazine from my hands and the reading glasses off my nose because I’ve fallen asleep before he climbs into the bed…thanks me after every single meal, even when it is just a peanut butter and banana sandwich because we are both too tired to bother with anything else…the guy who doesn’t order dessert but offers to help me with mine…the guy who clicks his pen while he’s thinking (which drives me crazy but at least I know he is awake and in control of the TV remote)…the man who is an excellent provider…my leaf raking hero (I’m the blower)…the one who knows my favorite store (C.J. Banks) and shops there for Christmas…who tells me I’m beautiful even when I’m not wearing makeup and have on my favorite gray lounging pants and a humongous tee-shirt with Mickey Mouse on the front…the man that comes up and wraps his arms around me while I’m doing dishes…and gives me playful squeezes when I least expect it (and lets me squeeze him back every time)…who brings the paper-plus-a-poodle to me in bed every weekday morning…the guy who is delightfully the same at home with me as he is everywhere else he goes…who seems to know when I need encouragement…loves me unconditionally…who feeds my soul in every Sunday morning sermon and throughout the week with the very life he leads…a man I don’t deserve, but am very thankful he chose me to be the one he took to the cemetery to propose to…and the wonderful father to our daughter, which brings me to my next blog posting. This is just some of what makes me thankful for Joe. There is much, much more.

Will you be thankful to God for someone or something today?

Have I helped you make a start on that?

Good. Then my job here is done…until next time.

Always remember that if you have a pulse, you have a purpose…so make your life count!